Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Doing things by halves

Good day faithful readers. I've never really been the type of person who does things by halves. My feeling is that if you're going to do something then do it properly and get the most out of it that you can. The best example of this is that I'm not the sort of person that just "takes up" running and then goes for a jog around the block a couple of times a week, no, no, no! That wouldn't even go part of the way to fulfilling my sense of achievement so that I could look back one day and say that, "yes, I used to be a runner". Instead I train for and complete a couple of marathons. Something that I think that I'll be proud to say that I did for the rest of my life.

Now I've decided to move my attention to something else, namely hiking. Of course I'm not the sort of person who is happy just to grab his trainers and an old backpack and go for a day walk around the countryside, oh no. Nope, I'm going for a multi-day hike in the Pyrenees along the GR10 (trail that basically traces the French/Spanish border across the Pyrenees all the way from the Atlantic to the Mediterranean). If you're asking why I'm not trekking through the Himalayas, then just calm yourself. Even I'm not that stupid! I ran a half marathon before I did the full marathon just as I'll hike in the Pyrenees before I do so in the Himalayas.

Unfortunately if you plan on doing ridiculous things like this it is wise to prepare at least a little... especially when you keep hearing stories in the news about people dying while descending from Mt Everest. As such I've been doing all my reading on where I'm going and what I should be taking and today I went and bought myself a few essentials, boots (shoes came first as always), backpack (I needed a new bag to carry all the crap that I've accumulated anyway) and some detailed maps. Only a few more bits and pieces that I have to get and I'll be set. Oh I can't wait until July!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The secret of my success - plan B

Good day faithful readers. If by chance I don't manage to get myself a book deal, as I discussed in my post below, I do have other options available to me in order to make my fortune. However, these generally require substantially more work on my part, which I basically why I'm saving them as a last resort.

It's not necessarily top of my list, but one of my ideas is to open a restaurant. That's not new you say! Your chances of making a fortune that was are slim! Well, that's true, but I have a plan. You see one of things that I have really noticed while working at the world famous Blue Anchor Pub is the astonishing amount of food that is wasted. If you could actually give the customer the exact amount of food that they were going to eat instead of some predetermined quantity then I'm sure that you would be able to cut your food costs in half. Not only this, but I'm sure that there are a lot of people like myself out there who force themselves to eat every last bit of their meal, despite the fact they were feeling nicely full about half way through. This means that you've just spent extra money feeding this person food that they didn't even want.

I'm sure that every restaurant owner out there knows full well that if they were able to cut down their food expenses their profits would sore, it's just a matter of figuring out a way of controlling it all. Basically you want the customer to pay more or less dependent upon how hungry they are. Guy stumbles in after being lost in the outback for a month, $100 please. Kate Moss walks in, $1 please, free if I can have your phone number!

I think this idea is what places like Sizzler were trying to implement when they had their salad bar. They have people pay a fixed price, give them small plates so that they have to make lots of trips, and hope that the average person eats less than the cost of the meal. What they didn't count on what the determination and appetite of members of my family! No. no, no, it'll never work that way. I have thought of several ideas to control this pricing issue, however they all have fundamental flaws at the moment, so the restaurant idea will have to be put on hold for the moment.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The secret of my success

Good day faithful readers. I don't know about you, but I've had about enough of this working business. What I need is some way to make a quick fortune and then invest it all and live quietly somewhere off the proceeds. How do I plan on achieving this you may ask.

Well, if you've been watching the news over the last week or two you would undoubtedly seen (in between reports of the miners) reports about Steve Vaught, an obese chap who decided that a good way of losing weight and regaining his life after a bout of depression would be to walk across the US. If you haven't, his website is at http://www.thefatmanwalking.com/. In completing this journey not only has he managed to lose around 50kg, but he has picked himself up a $2m book deal!

Now this is nothing unusual, people get signed up to write books all the time, even if you've never read a book, let alone written one. I read yesterday that the wife of Wayne Rooney (English Footballer) has been signed up for stupid amount of money to tell the story of her life. For a start she's only 20, and the only thing interesting that she has ever done is marry someone who actually is interesting! Obviously I'm not going to get a book deal like this, so my only option is to follow the example of The Fat Man.

I've been thinking about it and I've decided that in order to do gain a book deal the following needs to be true:

- you're a generally likeable, but eccentric person
- you have a high level of commitment
- whatever you're doing is for a cause that lots of people can relate to
- the activity you're doing requires a level of physical endurance that people are in awe of
- you are somehow able to bring your activity into the lives of a large number of people
- you perform your activity in the USA

As far as personal qualities go I think I'm a perfect candidate. People like me, and I think that you'd have to be a little eccentric to leave a comfortable life to come over to Europe and work in a bar would you? In addition to this, if I only possess two qualities they're those of commitment and endurance. Once I set my mind to something it WILL be completed/done, however long it takes. The real problem comes in finding a cause that I'm passionate about and an activity that'll bring the maximum number of people's attention to it.

I'd ask for suggestions, but I don't think that the media would terribly impressed when they asked "why are you doing this" if I answered "because Joe Blogs suggested it." Actually they probably wouldn't be impressed if I said "because I wanted to get a book deal" either.

Note to self: remove this post when you become famous!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

It seems the shoe's on the other foot now

Good day faithful readers. I've never proclaimed to be terribly good when it comes to speaking French, the only language that I speak with any sort of skill other than English. In fact, I generally proclaim long and loud that "je suis terrible"! I do however wish to improve, so I read my French text books, I watch French movies and generally do whatever I can to expose myself to the language. Unfortunately, despite that fact that France itself is less than an hour away, you still have to go out of your way if you want to be able to practice.

For this reason I was pleasantly surprised the other day when two young guys wandered into the world famous Blue Anchor. The first words that they said were "we are French". Now, having done a little bit of traveling in foreign countries I am well aware that when you state you nationality what you are really saying is "please excuse me for my incredibly poor grasp of your language", so I prepared myself. Actually their English was quite good, however on the odd occasion that they gave me blank looks I was happy that I was usually able to translate what I was saying into French.

Yesterday morning though I really did have to put my skills to the test. For a start it was only 7:30 in the morning, and my brain has trouble understanding English at that time of the day! It was a wonder therefore that it didn't just go into a meltdown when I picked up the phone and was immediately hit by a barrage of French. Thankfully I was awake enough to pick up that the woman on the other end of the phone was wanting to make a reservation and wanted to know if I spoke French.

I think that this must have been the luckiest woman in the world. Personally I think that it is very poor that the vast majority of people in continental Europe (and most non-English countries for that matter) are fluently in at least two languages, while those of us who come from English speaking countries rarely even make an attempt to speak the native language when we travel, but rather expect everyone else to know ours. Sadly however this is the case, so if you don't speak much English then a random village pub on the outskirts of London is probably not the first place you want to call when looking for accommodation.

It was a bit of a chore, but we eventually made our way through the booking process and I extracted all the necessary information. I have to say, despite that fact that it was hard work, it was good to be forced to speak in French (I usually wimp out if I know the other person speaks English) and I was very happy with myself afterwards.

Prior to these two experiences I'd never really come across French people in England or Australia who hadn't spoken good English. Now that I have though I think that I'm beginning to understand why whenever I go France everyone speaks to me in English even when I speak to them in French. It's not because they can't bear the fact that you're mutilating their language (although with me that may be part of it), it's just that they're trying to be helpful and enjoy practicing.